We’ve All Been Here Before

Oh those brothels! You never know what to expect.

A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment’s employees.

Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

“I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

I had the same thing happen to me once, except it was in America. And it wasn’t my wife, it was my girlfriend. Only she wasn’t really my girlfriend. She was just a whore I paid to have sex with me, and then started stalking afterwards.

Restraining orders are just another fun way of saying “I love you!”

Christmas Titties

Merry Christmas, assholes!

It’s Almost Christmas

I’m not exactly a fan of Christmas. It’s not for the religious undertones, or for the commercial overtones. No, it’s because I have to spend time with my family when I’d rather be at home alone getting high and watching the Wormhole episode of The Universe on the History Channel.

That shit is fucking trippy, man.

Anyway, here’s a video that might help you get in the Christmas spirit for tomorrow.

Today’s Titties 12-24-07

As always, ladies, we’re always willing to post reader submissions here at Big Balls McGillicuddy’s World Of Awesome Blog. Send pics to BigBallsMcGillicuddy@live.com.

Why God Invented Science

Finally, thanks to science, we can now confirm that taking a shot to the nuts does in fact cause extreme pain.

In other news this evening, I’m awesome.

Farting On The Train And Big Boobs McGee

I had a moment on the train this morning that I thought was extremely funny, because I’m what people refer to as immature.

So I was taking the Blue line home from my friend’s place this morning, and funny thing about the trains at 9AM on a Sunday morning when it’s 20 degrees out, and there are 30MPH winds: Nobody’s on the train!

So after a few stops I had my car all to myself, and I’d been holding in a fart for a while cuz there was a cute chick across from me, and I’m a gentleman.   So I finally let it go when I was alone, and it was glorious.   I mean, the smell bothered me and I created it.

So anyway, the train pulls up to the next stop and a guy and his woman walk in, and I can tell by the looks on their face they’ve gotten a pretty strong whiff, and they turn towards me.

“Wasn’t me!”

Also, there was a girl at my friend’s house last night when we all came back from Neil’s show, and we called her Big Boobs McGee cuz she had big boobs and they were hanging out.    It was especially entertaining when she was playing foosball because you could never tell if one was going to pop out.

Anyway, this girl may have been the dumbest girl I’ve ever met, so luckily she has those tits.

I finally fell asleep on the couch around 6AM, and was woken up at 7AM by something on my head.   I wake up and Big Boobs is picking at my hair.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m imagining the possibilities.  What are you doing?”

“Well I was fucking sleeping until some fucking girl started messing with my fucking hair and woke me up.”

“You don’t have to be so rude about it!”

Said the dumb cunt who woke me up.

Hip Hop Grannies

I don’t think I really need to say all that much with this video.   Just press play, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

World Of Awesome Movie Reviews: Transformers

There’s an annoying trend going on in Hollywood right now. What they do is they take all my favorite cartoons and comic books from when I was a kid, and then they bastardize them and make shitty movies out of them. My problem is that no matter how horrible I know the movie is going to be, I have to see it anyway. I mean, what if it’s good?

The latest incarnation of this trend is Transformers, at least it’s the latest cuz I just fucking saw it. I didn’t want to, like I said, but I had to. I owed it to Optimus Prime. I owed it to Bumblebee. I owed it to Ratchet, and most importantly, I owed it to my boy Megatron. That motherfucker was bad ass!!

So I saw it, and guess what? It sucked!! It wasn’t the Transformers fault though, it was mostly Shia LeBouf. Is that how you spell it? I’m not sure, all I know is the guy looks like a little bitch, and that there’s no way on earth Bumblebee would ever let him inside of him. (Also, since when was Bumblebee a fucking Mustang? BUMBLEBEE IS A FUCKING VOLKSWAGEN.)

Anyway the plot to the movie was essentially the same as in the cartoon series. The Decepticons have come to Earth to free Megatron, who’s been frozen on earth for thousands of years when he came to get the All Spark. They want the All Spark so they can take over all of earth’s machines and destroy the human race so they can have the planet of their own.

The Autobots then come to earth to keep the All Spark out of the Decepticon’s hands, and keep earth safe. And they choose that bitch ass Shia Lebouf to help them.

Can you guess who wins in the end?

Then they have to gay it up and have Bumblebee ask to stay on earth so he can be with Shia Lebouf. We’re supposed to believe that shit?

If the movie did have a saving grace though, it was Megan Fox. That bitch is hot. I would like to have sex with her in a hundred different ways, most of which consist of handcuffs, whipped cream, and premature ejaculation. Seriously, I would tear that shit up. I would destroy that ass. What Hurricane Katrina did to New Orleans? I want to do that to Megan Fox’s pussy.

I’m getting a hard on just thinking about her.

Hold on I’ll be right back.

AHHHHHHHH…much better. Okay, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Transformers. I give it 2 out of 5 stars, and I give Megan Fox a full 6 inches.

Today’s Titties: 12-18-07

As always, ladies, we’re always willing to post reader submissions here at Big Balls McGillicuddy’s World Of Awesome Blog. Send pics to BigBallsMcGillicuddy@live.com.

Holy Shit That’s High

I’ve never gone bungee jumping in my life. I just don’t see the point in it. If I want to experience life on the edge, I’ll just call my girlfriend by her best friends’ name while were fucking.

But this? This I will not do.